"In our first Holiday Gift Guide, we directed you to some
downright pleasant local stores, where you might putter around aimlessly
and endlessly to find gifts for the various people in your
life—craftsfolk, snoots, children—who might like to get a little
something-something in cellophane and a bow.
Well,
the time for puttering is over, you filthy procrastinator.
The season’s
various gift-giving holidays are fast approaching or winding perilously
down.
We like to follow a simple rule when our backs are against the wall: shoot for the plump, low-hanging fruit.
And, of course, we
know that all acquisition stems from vice, and that vice is at the heart
of our most decadent enjoyments. We’ve learned this from Leo Tolstoy,
Gautama Buddha and Mitt Romney.
So
for our Holiday Gift Guide Volume 2: Nice Things for Naughty People,
we’ve picked 42 strange or wonderful or even useful items, all sold at
independent local stores or websites, that appease or pander shamelessly
to the traditional seven capital vices, from wrath to sloth.
Do
not fight the failings or weaknesses of your friends and family. Indulge
them terribly. The holidays, after all, are no time for nagging or
self-improvement.
Let’s all be worse together, in relentless good spirits.
And, as always, we raise our collective glasses to the mostly gentle passing of another year. Cheers! Kampai! Iechyd da!"
—Matthew Korfhage
Parallel was featured under the Envy The Capital(ist) Vices:
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